My Christian single life

"Now to the the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry then to burn with passion"  1 Corinthians 7:8-9

I recently came across a video of a sermon about the above scripture by Pastor Steven Furtick. He talked about miss managed passions and boys growing up into men with the wrong perception of beauty. It was a good sermon, but I couldn’t help but feel that something was missing. A modern day perspective.

He talked about the wrong perception of beauty, and about sex being good in the right context. However, a lot as changed since the apostle Paul wrote that scripture, and there is more then just the burning desire to have sex that drives people to have it before marriage.

We live in a world now of movies, books, TV and social media that distort our perception of sex before marriage. In my twenties and thirties, I burned with a lot of things that led me to my decision, but it was distorted views of myself and others that led me there. I didn’t really didn’t even want to have sex.

My burnings and Yearnings

I took a vow of celibacy was I was 16, I was going to save myself for my wedding night. At the age of 17 my mother passed away and I turned my back on God. With a burning desire to get married and have babies in my twenties I started looking for a husband. In my thirties, and with no husband found, that burning desire turned into burning desperation. My biological clock was ticking and I knew I did not want to be a Sarah and pop out a kid at 99 years old. Time was of the essence!

I was slowly returning to God and had been praying, but God was not responding. Worried that he was either saying no or wait till your 99, I pushed God away. Determined to have what I thought I wanted and willing to make it happen. I ended up breaking my vow at the age of 32 to a man I had only known for two weeks in a motel 6.

courtesy of Kevin Laminto on Unsplash

I was emotionally destroyed after that three month relationship, and covered in shame. For two years I walked in denial before I finally broke down before God, begged for forgiveness and gave it ALL to Him. I know in Gods eyes I am forgiven and made clean, but in my eyes I will always be tarnished.

Sex and the world

Disclaimer: what is written here is not intended to hurt, insult or offend anyone. I do not believe anyone was trying to hurt me or mislead me. They were trying only to help me.

Let’s talk about those aforementioned books, movies and stuff. Fiction is sometimes better then reality, especially if your reality is troubled. My family life changed dramatically when my mother died. I didn’t have a good relationship with my Father at that time, and my adoptive family had its own issues. This left me uncomfortable talking to either of them about that stuff. My faith was in God was weak and I constantly pushed Him away.

So where did I turn for advice? To the world around me. Movies like: She’s all that, American pie and 40 year old virgin came out when I was in my teens and 20’s. I watched them all. Those movies emphasized losing your virginity in high school, pretty is better and you get made fun of if your 40 and still a virgin. For someone like me, who was the weird learning disabled fat girl in school and in my twenties that stuff is damaging.

I had all that floating in my young naive brain when I started asking my friends and peers for dating advice and what I was doing wrong. Why didn’t guys want to date me or stay dating me. They all told me pretty much the same thing. No man would stay with me unless I gave up my virginity.

I literally thought that I had to lose my innocent to have the husband I thought I desperately wanted.

The Bible Truth

Did you notice a couple of times I said ” I thought” I wanted a husband. The priest at the catholic church I grew up in said I did, family said I’d want to get married. I just assumed I was supposed to.

I really wish I had read the bible when I was in my twenties, particularly the scripture about singleness being a gift God gives. There is no biblical rule or law that says one has to or should get married. If you like being single be single, if you want to get married then get married. As for the scripture above, marriage in biblical times was not often for love. It was a business arrangement between the girls parents and the future husband.

Now when is comes to those burning passions we ALL have , there is a reason God wants us to wait. There are no do overs when it comes to your innocence, you can’t rewind and change your mind. (Man do I wish I could) So because of this, God wants you to do it with right one, the one he has chosen for you at the right time.

There is also a reason God tells us not to conform to the ways of the world, the world will mislead you, God will NOT!


I will tell you this, there are second chances. If you did what I did know that God will forgive you and there is still the right one out there for you. I am still hoping for a husband one day. In the meantime, I write this blog, pray and enjoy my Christian single life.

Hey check out Pastor Steven’s sermon, its on YouTube titled: Sex is a good thing. Thanks for reading, if you like this post follow me here or at my Facebook page: .

Love and blessings,



Just a single Christian woman navigating through life with the Lord as my compass.

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